Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Motherhood's Sweet Moments...

Growing up, all I ever wanted was to have children of my own. That was my biggest dream. Sure I wanted the house, the job, the husband, etc... But most of all-I wanted to be a mom. Nothing in the world could have ever prepared me for true motherhood. It has to be the most rewarding job one could ever have. I might have hard days or bad days, but it's the good days that far outweigh the bad. My boys light up my life. And if I am having a bad day, or am sad, one look at them and all my worries are gone. I instantly smile and thank God for the blessings staring back at me.
This evening we swaddled up the boys and I actually read to both of them at the same time. Tony handed them to me so I had one in each arm and we read Goodnight Moon. Nicholas fussed/cried on and off during the book. Tony was getting the vaporizer ready, so I decided to sing them a song.
I started singing "You are my Sunshine." No sooner did I start, Nicholas stopped crying, and looked up at me. He starting cooing and smiling. It was the absolute best feeling in the world! My eyes welled with tears at the moment I was sharing with MY son. I still can't believe it. I am a mother. They are just the most beautiful boys I have ever seen. And they are all mine!

Monday, February 25, 2008

Pictures of first foods!

Here are some photos of the boys eating their cereal!

Roly Poly Oly times TWO!

Boy oh boy how much they have grown! It's amazing to see the changes in these boys on a DAILY basis! I LOVE IT! They are getting so big!!! 
I was feeding Anthony this morning on my lap and Nicholas was at my feet in the bouncer. I had the joy of watching him try to FLIP himself over in the seat! WHAT?!?!? You are NOT supposed to do that at 4 months old! ;) So I figured I would see if he would roll over from tummy to back. And guess what?!? He did! YAY NICHOLAS! Six das after his brother did-he rolled over! He actually did it twice! So I got the video camera and put both boys on their stomachs and was able to catch Anthony rolling over! Can you tell I am excited?!? 
Also-the boys are NOT sleeping in the car seats anymore! YAY! Nicholas has been in his crib the last week-and Anthony in the pack-n-play in our room. And-last night they slept beautifully! Nicholas woke up in the middle of the night-but put himself back to sleep and Anthony woke up at 5 am and Nicholas followed suit at 5:30am. We are getting there!!
So over the last week the boys have:
rolled over
started solids
slept in crib/pack-n-play
Nicholas talks a lot more
reach for toys
can use the jumperoo/exersaucer
Anthony has much better control of his head!! 
It's so amazing to watch these changes! And the best part is there's TWO babies to watch it in! Not one!!!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Roly Poly Oly!

Holy Moses! I have a roller on my hands! YIKES! You can only begin to imagine the look of SHOCK on my face when it happened! Lately I have been worried about tummy time. I rarely give it to the boys-because frankly-I forget-and run out of time. It's SO HARD trying to do it. And-Nicholas holds his head up no problem, it's Anthony that needs the work. But-I will say I burp them over my legs-and that does count-so they get it in there sometimes... So today I made an effort to do "tummy time." Go me. I really wanted to work with Anthony on this-so I brought him upstairs and laid him on the play mat before it was time to take a nap. I laid him on his stomach, with his arms out by his side....and HE ROLLED OVER! WHAT?!?!? I thought it was a fluke-so I did it again-and he rolled again! I did it two more times!!! He rolled over FOUR TIMES! I can't believe it! I jumped on the phone and called Tony I was SO excited! I had tears in my eyes! I couldn't stop laughing, smiling, screaming. It was great! Of course, when Tony got home... Anthony was shy and didn't roll again... Next time...
Today also marks another big milestone. After four years-last February 19, 2007, I got my first ever positive pregnancy test. Can you believe that?!?! I remember it like it was yesterday. I went to see the endocrinologist that day and told her I was having my blood test on Wednesday. She wished me luck and told me to call if it was positive, for I would need my thyroid checked throughout the pregnancy. Well-I left her office and as I was driving I didn't feel that well. I attributed that to not really eating lunch. So before I got home, I stopped at the Stop n Shop and picked up something quick to eat. I got devil dogs. Not the best choice-but it was quick. While I was there-I bought a pregnancy test. I had the shakes kind of and I was burping. So deep down, I thought I HAD to be pregnant.
I went home and waited and took the test around 5:30pm. Tony was working late at the office because it was tax season. He did not want me taking a test early because he didn't want me to get upset, etc... I had tested after the first IVF and obviously it was a negative and that just made it even worse... So... I take the test and expect it to show up right away-two lines. But that didn't happen. It was one line. I was heartbroken. I shrugged my shoulders and tried to brush it off and went to go turn on the computer. There were a lot of people online that were waiting to hear if I got a positive, so I was going to go on there and spill my guts before Tony got home.
I had to hide the test though because he didn't want me testing. So I had to go back to the bathroom and get the test and hide it somewhere in the trash. I went in and looked at it to make sure it was still negative-and it was POSITIVE! HOLY SHIT! I WAS PREGNANT!!! YAY!!!! I cried hysterically-and cried and cried and cried some more. I was beyond happy. Words will never be able to describe how I felt at that moment. I was the happiest person alive... If it didn't work out, God forbid, at least I knew I could get PREGNANT! And boy was I pregnant! :)
I went online and told the people who were waiting... Then rushed out of the house to go and buy something for Tony to tell him. I bought a mug that said, "New Dad" and put the pregnancy test in it. I called Tony to ask him when he was coming home, so I could get dinner ready. Ya right. He came home and I told him I had a gift for him and gave him the bag. I also got a bib that said Baby's First Halloween, as well as an outfit that said, "I love daddy." He opened the gift and looked perplexed! He was like, "You're pregnant?" I shook my head profusely! His response? "How do you know?!?!" HAHAHA! Men! So we cried together and hugged each other. It was like the weight of the world was lifted off our shoulders. Then-we went to Red Robin to celebrate! My blood test was scheduled for two days later... and that's when we would tell our parents.
It's amazing to think of what has happened in a year. I have two wonderful beautiful boys. I can't even begin to imagine my life without them. They are my everything and I am grateful that I was given the chance to be a mom-their mom. And I wouldn't change it for the world...

Friday, February 15, 2008

My Valentine's....

So yesterday marked the boys first Valentine's Day. They were thrilled to pieces! Right-like they had a clue! Grandma Cianflone took care of them so Tony and I could go out to dinner. Dinner was nice and quiet, but like we were saying to each other-it's not really relaxing. Going out never really is. People are lining up to watch the boys-but if we go anywhere-it's rush rush rush...And then we come home to two screaming babies. Where's the relaxation in that? Honestly-we would rather be sleeping then going here, there, and everywhere. Oh well.. Such is life, right? 
I can't even begin to say how big the boys are getting! It's so crazy to think the will be 4 months old already on Monday! My how time flies! Anthony is still Mr. Vocal and Nicholas is the shy smiler. They both are really so sweet. Nicholas loves to be held-he'll be screaming...pick him up-and he's totally fine. Boys! I think he's going to be the momma's boy for sure! That's fine with me! They both are now reaching and grabbing at items. Nicholas is a pro at keeping his head up...Anthony still needs some work in that department. I'm afraid of what the pediatrician is going to say when we go in two weeks...
The boys are sleeping so I'm going to take advantage of this opportunity and try to get some shut-eye. 

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Let Sparks Fly!

Oh what a day today is. Er, was.... For it was one year ago today, that my little precious boys found their way to my heart. I didn't know it then, nor did they, what an amazing year lied ahead for all of us involved.
It was one year ago Tony and I walked into the hospital with great anticipation wondering if this would be it. Would this be the magical transfer that would bring our little miracles to our lives. Would we FINALLY be parents? All I ever wanted in life was to be a mom and instead of it the "natural" way, I had to put my faith in MANY people-many doctors, nurses, sonographers, embryologists-who would watch my embryos day after day and "grade" them, and most of all-I had to put faith in my husband, my marriage, myself, and someone greater than all of us. I finally had to. I had realized after going through everything I did-it wasn't about me-or up to me. Someone else had a greater plan. That plan was put into action on February 12, 2007-and it changed our lives forever.
I was prepped for transfer and was wheeled into the OR for my fourth IVF transfer. I was sick to my stomach with worry-wondering if this was going to be it. How would I know? I had to wait 9 days before my blood test telling me yes or no. Tony was dressed in his scrubs raring to go. We had to make a decision on how many we wanted to transfer. I wanted nothing to do with transferring only one. I had been through this way too many times-I had a lot riding on this. What if it didn't work-AGAIN?!?! I would feel beyond guilty and would never live with myself if that ONE didn't take. I was set against one. I wanted two. We both agreed to it. We knew the stakes were high that both could take. I was taking every chance I could. Dr. W said we should transfer one, but I think in the end-we got the final say. I talked with Amy the sonographer, Ellen the nurse, and the Dr. who did my transfer. They all agreed 2 was a good choice-because I had NEVER gotten pregnant any other cycle. I was comfortable with my choice-so 2 it was.
The transfer itself was the easiest one yet. I wasn't in a lot of pain like usual. The Dr. found his path rather quickly-and he called for the catheter with the embryos in it. Tony and I clenched each others hands for support. I wanted to cry-and I think I just may have done so. This was a big moment-and I realized moments later how big it really was...
The Dr. told me as he was releasing the embryos into my uterus. Tony, myself, Ellen, and Amy looked at the ultrasound machine as the Dr. released the embryos. Across the screen came a spark. That spark was my boys. That spark told me everything was going to be ok. That spark told me my dream was about to come true. That spark told me-I was finally going to be a mother. All it took....was a spark...

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Happy Conception Day! :)

I know I've been really bad about keeping up... However, not too much was happening. I didn't want to bore anyone with senseless dribble. Hahahaha! Anyways...

The boys are getting so big! It's so sad to see them grow! I wish they could stay little forever. They are just the cutest things ever! They LOVE sucking on their hands! Love it! And I love watching them and listening to them! They both try to suck on their hands AND the pacifiers. They haven't figured that one out yet! On Monday, February 4, Nicholas found his thumb! So cute! He obviously doesn't find it every time-but just the thumb has been in his mouth. It's so adorable. He also loves to talk when it's in there! 

Anthony is STILL spitting up. What else is new?!? The poor kid is ALWAYS soaked-but at least he's happy about it. Baffles me how he is able to gain weight. But he weighs around 12 lbs or so. 
Both boys are battling thrush. That is no fun. Anthony doesn't have it to the extent that Nicholas does. It looks painful. I am on their last day of medicine and it still hasn't cleared on Nicholas. I'm sick of giving them medicine. Do you know how hard it is to give medicine FOUR TIMES A DAY to 3 months old?!?! My goodness! 

So today is a very special day. Some of you may be like, what in the world did I miss?But today is the day Nicholas and Anthony were conceived. Before some of you get grossed out-it wasn't the "natural" way! LOL! 

After 4 long years of struggling with infertility, I was prepped for my second IVF egg retrieval. I had a lot riding on this cycle. It HAD to work. I was wheeled into the OR, given anesthesia and the rest I obviously don't remember. I woke up in a daze and they told me they retrieved 22 eggs. That's alot! I was a bit sore, but it was all worth it. My shots were over. I remember my first cycle and all the anxiety of getting the shots. Tony gave me my first shot back in 2006 and as soon as it was over I started crying. This enormous amount of emotion came over me. Why did I have to go through this? Normal people don't have to get shots to conceive. Why me? Why me? Why me? That was the biggest question...And it took me another 6 months after that first shot to find out why it was me. 

We went home that day praying we would have a great fertilization report. We were going to do a day 5 transfer-so we needed at least 6 embryos to make it to day 5. The next few days we had to sit and wait and PRAY our miracles were out there somewhere...